I have found myself in a really vunerable position recently and I'm not loving it. The calcification spots were back on my latest mammogram and the docs want to take a bigger chunk of my breast tissue to make sure they are still benign, like the slivers were they took 6 months ago.
Last summer I went through the first biopsy alone because I was awake the whole time, and even with bleeding from a hematoma after the procedure I went to the pharmacy to get supplies for doctoring the small incision, alone. I took care of my kids alone that night and got up alone the next morning and went to work.
This time I went to the follow-up mammogram alone, I went to the surgeon consult alone, and made the appointment for the new biopsy, alone. But I can't go to the biopsy alone this time. I will be under general anesthesia and of course I cannot drive home.
I hate anesthesia. Every time in my life I've had it I wake up nauseous and vomit. I'd rather be awake letting them talk to me while they poke and prod than go through the fuzzy, disoriented, sick effects of anesthesia. But my doctor said I'll be under. Pooey.
I'm set for the procedure on a Friday, so I have the weekend to recover. I'm not broadcasting on Facebook I'm having this done but the few people who know, thankfully want to help. Take me in the morning, bring me home, help with the kids and get dinner ready.
My only issue is I'm fiercely stubborn about showing weakness and asking for help. I seriously will probably just want to be left alone. If the anesthesia is making me sick, I will not want someone there to witness that. If I'm swollen or bruised I will want to crawl into bed and sleep it off.
I won't be down long either. I have a committment with one of the kids the next day, and will need to be up and making sure it all goes well. So in the interest of getting things done and not wearing myself out totally, I will have to let go of the reins with that and allow for my family to help.
I'm keeping positive about the biopsy results, since last time they were negative. So my stress with this day will be my physical condition after and my ability to deal with all the friendly help.
I'm used to being the boss-lady. So if I'm a bit crabby, don't hold it against me. And if I'm saying I'm fine, and asking if you can please just get out...
Get out.
