Negativity Begone!

I've mentioned I have faith. I've mentioned I have two great kids and a loving boyfriend with 3 great kids. I've got a mom and dad living close by, a warm house that is all mine, and a good steady job. So why am I Worst-Case-Scenario-Sally?

I expose myself to stories on the news and stories from friends and I hear about awful things some people do to other people and I tend to assume the most negative outlook from any perplexing situation. This mood comes and goes I realize, but this time of year, or maybe its just this time of month, I'm swimming a pool of negativity.

I want to get out of the pool. I want to try to see the good possibilities that could happen and not just the bad ones. I guess I'm trying to protect myself from having my bubble burst. My goal would be to just blow up that bubble full-size and watch it fly and not worry about it popping. What if it doesn't? Great! How great would it be to ride that wave of positivity on into the sunset? It's a nice thought. Now to implement.

I have been burned before. Failed marriage for one. I remember the depths of unhappiness I felt during the end of that and I am desperate to not go through it again. Failed relationship after the marriage too. Disappointment and more sadness. But what if Sinatra is the man who will help me get through any downs as well as enjoy the ups with me? Why would I deny myself (and him) that chance? It feels more right than any other partnership I've ever had, I am sure of that.

I have to face the fact my life WILL have more unhappiness, but that having him next to me, truly WITH me, will give me strength like I have never had before to ride it out. I have pulled strength from deep within myself already to get out of those two relationships all by MYSELF. I did that. I really did that and all alone. I have been taking care of my kids and household and finances alone ever since. I have that power. I don't want my future to be me being all strong and powerful but alone. That's no fun.

Sinatra and I have gone through some hits so far. The long distance between us, the ex-wife, the 5 kids. We've been pretty great at handling everything together. He tries to protect me from some of it, but I'm annoyingly persistant and usually get him to share with me what's up. We talk it out. I still worry my negativity will start to be a turn-off, but sometimes his unwavering cheerfulness annoys me too. We are no doubt a good ying-yang couple.

I'd like to make it a resolution for 2012 to open my mind to the possibility of a postive outcome. Prayer, meditation, whatever...I need to find that. I'm not getting younger and negativity is poison for my future health. I want to grow older gracefully and have Sinatra right there holding my hand being older and graceful next to me. We deserve that chance. I'm going to give it a whirl...I bet it turns out GREAT.