I'm not the best at waiting. In fact, I'm pretty awful at it. I don't enjoy waiting in lines or sitting in waiting rooms past my appointment time. I make lists and enjoy nothing more than to cross off duties as I get them done. I get my list to be fully crossed off as soon as possible. If I make a list, its because I'm going to get the things on it done.
Watching others take their time makes me crazy. I realize there are folks who don't adhere to the same timeline I do, but when I am made to watch them lolly-gaggle along, I have to concentrate on not blowing steam out my ears. My kids are famous for this. I'm a multi-tasker so I can easily get three or four tasks done in one pass, like walking through the living room and throwing away a soda can, picking up dirty socks and grabbing the remote that belongs to the upstairs TV. Its all my kids can do to remember to turn off the TV when they leave the room. One button. Never mind hanging up their jacket and tossing their trash from snacktime. Too many steps gets them confused. One-track minds.
My hurry-up-and-go habits aren't necessarily good for me but in my job and my homelife they are necessary so everything gets done. Who else will do it? I've been divorced for almost 5 years and have grown pretty damn independent. Or controlling, whatever you want to call it. I do the work of 2 or more people depending on the day. When I was married it was this way anyway (hence the divorce) but now I really have to step up or the world will come to an end.
In my job, I constantly have to keep things flowing and organized because my assistant just doesn't have the attention to detail that I do. If I don't want to have to re-do it, I'll just do it myself in the first place. I file the insurance claims, I make the chart notes, I fill out repair and order forms. These are all jobs she could do, but if they are done wrong, delays and screw-ups result. I know, she will never learn if I don't let her try...uh, I've let her try, and then I just do it myself...correctly. IF I have cleaned out waste baskets at the end of the day, I'm pretty lucky I didn't have to do that myself.
At home I do my best to give chores and responsibilities to the children. Making their own beds and cleaning their rooms are a must. The dishes are hard to screw up, so unloading and loading are their jobs. Laundry? They can separate and fold but the washing cycle is mostly up to me. Don't want to have my whites turn pink or brown from one rogue sock. Only I check the pockets so I don't have a blow-out in the dryer of some note or candy left in a pocket. For that matter, I'm the only one who CARES about clean laundry apparently. Oh, correction. Lil Lady is very concerned about her clean jeans or shorts...at 7am before school, when there's no way in hell she's getting them clean if they aren't already in the dryer. Chillgirl is lucky to find matching socks so SHE definitely doesn't care.
My patience with housework and work-work is fair. I have never had the chance to lean on someone else in either place so I just do it.
In my life in general I'm a bit of a crab when something needs to be resolved and it isn't getting done in a timely fashion. Lately that has included family court cases of people in my life. Not necessarily ME, I'm not waiting for my day in court, but the frustration at watching others get put off and delayed for final decisions about major issues in their or their kids' lives is maddening. My sister has had to put her budget and relationship with her son in the court's hands and her lawyer's hands to make things right. They don't care about time. They have many other people waiting as well. We can't resolve this issue in the time allotted for today? Assign another court date in 6 weeks. Next!
My Sinatra is inching ever so slowly toward a resolution of the custody matters with his ex. She doesn't want him moving to my area and is fighting the unrestricted geographical limits in their divorce decree. A social worker is involved to ask all parties about the situation and what they want, mainly with whom the kids want to live. Court dates are set but the appointments for all these interviews are 1-3 weeks out EACH and those court dates will have to be pushed. What's available on the docket? 4 weeks away? 6 weeks? Now we are talking summertime and having interruption of summer plans and eventually school starting again.
Is it wrong to want to know if the man I love and his children will be here by August for school? We aren't moving in together, so it isn't due to me needing to move or pack or change anything logistically about my life. Its just me, wanting to see a bit into my future and know I will have my whole family (yes that means him and his) here to plan our days and weekends and activities and holidays.
It's an exciting thought but there's a mental brick wall standing in my way and all I can do is look up, but have no way of climbing it. I try to ignore it but sometimes I run straight into it and cry and scream (mentally) about the fact that things are out of my control and I am being forced to be patient. Against my will. Against my nature.
I pray. I write. I talk it out with Sinatra or my friends. Stating the obvious and my frustration about the lack of movement of other people because they have nothing invested in the advancement of the issue. If his ex wants the kids to stay close to her, she has no reason to let the courts quickly decide they can move. She's in no hurry to get her interviews or court dates done. He can't move them here with the case ongoing. So why end it?
All I can do is wait for the day I will know either way. I'm not great at it, but I have no choice other than walking away altogether. As I said, I have NO choice.
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