The Teenager is Winning

"Mom, I am going to make mistakes, but they are MY mistakes, and you have to let me make them."

Was this statement coming out of my mouth, circa 1986, or from my daughter's last week??  Most likely both.  Last year I blogged about letting her make her own way and I actually believed I could do that.  I've grown negative and cynical since then.

What she doesn't realize (and I didn't either back then) is HER mistakes are MY mistakes.  No parent wants to be asked, "And how IS so-and-so?" when the only answer is "Um, she is doing fairly average in grades and doesn't have any other interests outside of the 4x2 inches of her iPhone screen."

We Moms and Dads LOVE Facebook bragging rights, Instagram nuggets, and general high marks for having a stellar kid.  These days in my house, its the kids who seem to care less if they are making a name for themselves.  "Passing" is good enough for my Lil Lady...that means if she's 70 or above she's sitting comfortably.  Whoa nelly, that dog don't bark in my house.

I get the daily eye-rolls, "O-KAY"s, and usual malaise in the attitude department from her, which I don't doubt is Standard Operation Procedure in Teen World.  I am well-aware (also via Facebook) that most teenagers are jerks.  They just are.  They demand time and attention and money and give pretty much nothing in return.  I used to be able to guilt her into feeling sorry for me when she was hitting the ugly-teen act hard, but those days are gone.  I admit I remember feeling very little compassion for my mom when she took the brunt of my hormonal rants, but now I am living the other side.  I feel like I'm watching a bully in action.

My boyfriend, Sinatra, lives at home with his two teenage boys, and a pre-teen daughter.  The daughter has her special moments but for the most part hasn't gone full-blown teen yet.  The boys are more of the passive-aggressive types, but at time are aggressive-aggressive with each other.  That's no fun for him to deal with either, but the psychological warfare I wage almost daily with Lil Lady is as mentally draining as is getting between two full-grown teen boys throwing punches.

Is it clear why we have chosen not to marry yet and combine our children into one home?

She wants to be left alone to "live her life".  I allow her to put herself to bed at night, meaning I don't regulate her bedtime.  She wants to ride to school with her friend or boyfriend instead of the bus, so oversleeping in the morning is not an option.  She also wants to look good at school so getting up and putting her outfit and hair together takes time, so she sets her alarm on her own.  She keeps up with her personal hygiene and for the most part puts her laundry down in the laundry room to be washed, and even puts in a load herself if no one is interested in helping.  She is doing better eating regularly and more healthy than she did last year, and even tries to get exercise most days.

But does she brush her teeth morning and night? Does she take out her contacts and clean them daily? These things actually wake me up in the middle of the night.  Of course I'm thinking of high dental bills and eyeballs with blisters, but she doesn't seem to have my worry gene.

Homework and studying seem to be an afterthought and her grades so far this year are hovering over a low B in most classes, but some end up C's from simply having an "M", for missing assignment.  Whaaaa??  She has no urgency to get things turned in until I'm screaming via text to her after checking the Home Access site, TURN IN YOUR WORLD HISTORY ASSIGNMENT OR YOU WILL FAIL THIS GRADE PERIOD FROM SHEER LAZINESS!!!

She rarely responds to my during-school texts.

She'll tell me she doesn't know what to do on an assignment or when its due, and I must force her to email her teacher even though I want so badly to type out a diplomatically-worded and grammatically-correct letter, asking for details about classwork.  What job in life will let you turn in stuff late and still receive full credit?  What working person does this on a regular basis and keeps their job?

But then I am a nag and a bitch for constantly lecturing her.

Any other person in my life who would take this much of my brain power and emotional energy and stomp all over them, I would've cut them out a long time ago.

I divorced for less.

But she is my blood, and therefore a reflection of me, so I continue to be that mom.

I may have to rename my blog InsaneAsylumHereICome because she's still around for at least 3 years, and I have another one, Chillgirl, coming up right behind her.  Chillgirl thankfully does not take acts of Rebellion to the level of Art (so far).  She really is "chill", but that does manifest itself in a bit of passive-aggressiveness..."I'm mad at Mom, so I will move as slow as Christmas when she's in a hurry".  Thank the Lord for creating red wine.

I talk to myself a lot, and to God, and ask for patience and perseverance.  My girls may challenge me but I keep telling myself they only do it because they know my love knows no bounds.

I want to make the home her friends want to come to, I want to have open dialogue with them, and know the kids they hang out with.  I want to be who they come to when no one else cares about their problems.  So far these things are still within my reach.  I may pry and snoop to stay in the loop.  I will fight through the trenches of the bad stuff to be there.

I'm a Lucky Mom

Moments of magic mother-daughter bliss may be few over these next 5 years, but they are so worth the trouble.

My Road to 70.3

Fact:  I am almost 44 years old and have been a triathlete for almost 7 years.

Fact: I am still challenging myself in my sport. 70.3 is up next.

Me and my Tri Teammates, the K's

I've lost count of all the races I've completed.  My medal hanger is overloaded.  I had to stop hanging my race numbers because it started to look like wallpaper.  I've done many Sprint distance triathlons, mini, regular and super, and several Olympic distance triathlons.  I've done duathlons, tri-relays and half marathons, and swim-only races.

I've always said I'm not great at any one of the three sports, but I'm pretty good at all three together.  I don't race to win, but it's nice if I get a top ten age group place, or as with my relay team, an actual top 3 medal.

The fun of triathlon is training with my friends, discussing our triumphs and our disasters, and being outside moving and enjoying exercise.  I can chat up a stranger at a race expo, or a bike shop or running store, because once you race triathlon, you just KNOW.

My tri-buddies come in all shapes and sizes.  Some have done mini-tri's and I respect them deeply for doing it.  Some have done the big daddy, Ironman, and I am in awe.  My bestie K started training for her first Sprint tri with me one year, and within the next year she'd completed several Sprints and an Olympic tri (which I hadn't done yet even after 3 years of racing) and then she signed herself up for Ironman! Whoa!

Ironman K

I watched her train, mostly alone, because the schedule for Ironman is relentless and time-sucking.  I would meet her on her long runs to run alongside for the time period I had available, and then she would continue running to get her planned miles done.  Finally she went to her race.  Me and our other relay teammate went later in the day to find her on the Ironman course.  No point in going until the end of her bike course (112 freaking miles) because we'd never see her.  So we positioned ourselves to cheer her through the marathon.  Late into the evening we cheered her every time she came by.  We cheered even louder when she ran through that finish line, and became an IRONMAN.  Truly awesome.

My busy-mom schedule does not realistically have space for Ironman 140.6.  But I have allowed myself the challenge to find the time for Ironman 70.3.  The Half-Ironman.  Not enough to get the M-dot tattoo, but still nothing to snort at.  I watched several of my friends do the Galveston Ironman 70.3 two years ago and I knew I could do it.  Now in 2014, I am.  Luckily I have a huge group of training buddies also doing it, so there is no shortage of training-mates.  No excuses either.

Its the end of January already, and the race is April 6th.  I thought, oh April that's 4 months after the new year.  Um, not really.  April 6th is right at the beginning of April so really we had 3 months.  I was running and biking before Jan 1st, but not consistently.  I ran a tough half-marathon in December.  But that isn't training for 70.3.

My weeks now consist of weekday running and swimming (at the pool since its cold), and biking on weekends.  Its still getting dark by 6pm so biking after work is out of the question.  The alternative? The dreaded bike trainer, indoors.  My bike mounted on a contraption that allows me to pedal as long as I want.  I've gotten a total of 30 minutes on there so far.  So boring and unrewarding.

I can run anytime but still choose to go after work, trying to beat sunset.  I look for hills and have even done some speed work at the track.  I'm kind of doing running workouts loosey-goosey without a plan . I know this isn't recommended but I get in what I can.  If I was a SERIOUS Ironman-in-training, I'd be getting my ass out of bed at 5am and running a set amount of time on a set amount of days.  Apparently I'm not that serious because I prefer to sleep at 5am.  In my defense, I consider sleep part of my training too.

I go to the pool and swim.  I do the swim workouts I learned while taking a 5:45am adult master's swim class these last two summers.  I put in the laps and stretch my arms and legs out to try to go faster.  I never have been a fast or efficient swimmer, and I probably won't improve that much, but I get through my long swims in a good enough time to not worry about a cut-off time in an Ironman race.  And it feels good.

In Texas this year it's been colder than usual this winter.  Bike rides have been harder to come by.  I'm generally not going to ride in weather cooler than 40 degrees.  I know triathletes and cyclists in other states probably think I'm ridiculous.  You all bundle up with multiple layers and boot covers to get out and ride in sub-30 degrees.  Good for you! I'm waiting til later in the day or another day to ride.  So far I've gotten several cool 25+milers in, and plan to build up to 50 and 60 milers in these next months.  That's also 3-4 hours of my Saturdays or Sundays (or both), so it comes when the kids' schedules allow.

This is my hometown beach, Galveston

My first 70.3.  I picked the Memorial Hermann Ironman 70.3 Texas in Galveston. I grew up on Galveston Beach.  I was there volunteering and cheering for my friends 2 years ago and know what it looks like.  It's a flat run and bike course and the swim is in the warm-ish Galveston Bay.  That April I was there I watched the pros, like Lance Armstrong and Chris O'Donnell (who won) do it in under 4 hours.  My friends did it in under 7 hours.  It was a long, hot day for them, but I stayed to see them finish and I can visualize that while I prepare for my race.

I have SWAM 1.2 miles before.  I have BIKED 56+ miles before.  I have RAN 13.1 miles before.  I have not tried to do all of the above in a span of 7 hours in one day.  My brick-workouts will get more intense and more time-consuming.  I will have to pick and choose my social activities these next few months and watch what I eat and drink.  I will have to plan nutrition on the long bike rides and runs.  I will have to get my wetsuit out and head into the lake to open-water-swim.  I have 10 weeks to be ready.

I can do this.