Boys, Boys, Boys

My BFF Cora gave me the book Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man, by Steve Harvey as I venture into a new dating world in my almost-40s. The dating world these days is MUCH different than it was in my early 20s, the last time I was out there, most likely because I am MUCH different (thank God!) than I was in my early 20s.





I have perused this book, but haven't yet read it cover to cover. So far one chapter has seemed the most useful for my current state of affairs (or potential for such).

Chapter 10 is titled: THE FIVE QUESTIONS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD ASK BEFORE SHE GETS IN TOO DEEP. Ha! Here it is, written from a man's point of view, for us ladies' education on what to be thinking of when we have met a new guy and are out on those first dates, and deciding if he's worthy. Basically he's saying, don't fear you will lose a man if you confront him with these questions. Make him be clear up front and then YOU can decide to stay or go.

1.What are your short-term goals? Plans that deem him a grown-up, heading toward something, and a place you could come along with him too.

2.What are your long-term goals? Looking at his future clearly and in detail with a plan to get it.

3.What are your views on relationships? As in with his parents, on kids, God, past relationships, family in general. Ask all the tough questions.

4.What do you think about me? Listen for specific examples of what he likes about you.

5.How do you FEEL about me? Make him dig down deep to put words to his inner thoughts about his feelings for you.


Steve Harvey's book explains these in detail and it makes a lot of sense. I remember going through whole dating cycles without knowing any of this stuff about a boy. What a waste of time! And to ASK the question? EEK! That might mean I could get an answer I don't like and I'll have to break up with him and be alone again...Lord what an idiot I was.

In my most recent dealings as a almost 40-year old, the life status and motivations of the men my age have changed drastically from back then, as have mine. I have determined 3 different "types" are out there. Now remember, I'm just a beginning dater so I hope to revise this list or amend it, so don't hate on me if I contradict myself later.

The first one is the Never Been Married guy: somehow in his 40s without being nailed down yet, hasn't had any kids and has lived alone all this time. See some of my early blogs about this guy, cuz I just got out of a relationship with him. We girls always hear, You Can't Change A Man? Well, the NBM guy is set in his ways and likes it that way. IF you ever got him to marry, the woman would do all the bending here...and not in a good way, if you know what I mean.

The second one is the Just Got Out of a Marriage guy: this one is looking for wifey #2, and fast. He's in shock that something, he has NO IDEA WHAT, went wrong and his best solution would be to shack up immediately to avoid any soul-searching for his place in the divorce that just happened TO him. JGOOAM guy probably loves the hell out of you because you are NOT his ex-wife, and he's willing to overlook all of your flaws, if he even stops doting on you long enough to see any of them. In fact he probably hasn't stopped talking about his ex-wife long enough to ask you any of the important 5 questions, and he wouldn't care what the answers were anyway, as long as you are willing to take him in, like yesterday.

The third one is the No One is as Perfect as Me So I'll Just Sleep Around guy. These guys have a superiority complex with such high-standards for marriage material, that they decide they won't even bother with all the stuff that would precede marrying someone. This guy will just get in your pants and move on to the next unworthy one. He won't ask you about you, he won't give you any time-specific information about seeing you again, and he'll talk about himself A LOT. Like a big show all about him. If you want a nice romp in the hay, the NOIAPAMSIJSA guy's your man, but don't you dare fall for this guy.



There are more to come, no doubt. I'm just getting warmed up.