The Way We Are...The Story of Romeo Part Deux

So Colorado- March 2009. Winter Park to be exact. Great for the kids, not too expensive. Booked one room, two beds, for four days. I guess I barged my way through the planning with the intention of bringing us all together to see if we could all be together, since up until then, we'd spent only the amount of time for a meal in a restaurant together. We had an uneventful flight and first evening, and the next day he and I taught the girls to ski. They didn't take to it at first and many tears and whining later, they finally had an A-HA moment and both fell in love with it, much like I did my first time out. This stretch of time before they fell in love, they were not happy kiddos. Lil Lady's boots were too tight and Chillgirl brought the wrong gloves and her hands were freezing. I dealt with these little tragedies alone, with Romeo standing by watching. And unsmiling, and judging, I was sure of it. As the whining continued, I decided we were not moving past this until me and the girls went back to the hotel/ski rental and took care of the problems. I assured Romeo he could stay and get a few adult runs in while we did took the shuttle back. I let him off the hook of being with two crabby kids because that is what I thought he'd want, and he took the chance and didn't insist he come with us. Chivalry is not in Colorado I guess.



A decent time was had by all after the girls got comfy and began to ski. It felt like a family vacation with skiing and exploring the mountian and shopping. Later at dinner there was an uncomfortable moment when the girls were goofing off at the dinner table and I told them to stop, and they didn't. After a few more minutes of silliness and ignoring my requests to stop, Romeo said, in a deep raised voice something to the effect of Did you not hear your Mother tell you to stop? They stopped cold, staring down at their plates, but then he added "Answer the question!" and they both sheepishly looked up and answered "Yes". I was shocked. The last part was uncalled for, but after a few minutes of total silence at the table the girls began to talk quietly to each other and seemed unphased by it. I, however, ate my dinner fighting back tears. Here I was trying to get us to all interact as a family and all he could muster up in a "family way" was scolding them in a blow-up of temper like I'd never seen?? He constantly has told me about his strict upbringing with his sweet mother and her heavy hand and his father's no BS style. Here was a blatant example of his parenting style...long fuse, big boom.

The next day after sight-seeing Romeo and I were still very uncomfortable around each other and I asked him to come for a walk with me while the girls stayed in the room to watch tv. We were silent for much of it but eventually began talking. I don't remember much before somehow getting on the subject of our future together. I finally asked the question I'd been holding onto for the better part of the last year. When do you see us merging our lives together? I didn't say marriage, that would sound like asking for a proposal or a ring. A merge. I thought it was a term he could handle. I wasn't prepared for his answer. "When the girls are finished with school and out of the house.", he said. WTF? Chillgirl was in Kindergarten at the time! In 12 years???

In an emotional come-to-Jesus talk, I explained that is not good enough for me and I cannot accept that kind of timeline. That I cannot raise them alone and then be his girlfriend on the off-weekends. He explained he wanted to make it work but it was so hard watching them go at each other and disrespect me so often. He didn't think he knew how to be a parent to them. I asked him to only consider being a partner to me, and the rest will come with time. He said he didn't know if he could/would. We left it at that with tears from both of us and that night slept holding each other tightly as my two angels slept unaware in the bed next to us.

I now know I shouldve taken that conversation way more seriously. It was such a blow, such a revelation, so not what I thought was happening with us, that I filed it away, Scarlett O'Hara-style, and thought "I'll worry about that tomorrow!". The same topic came up just about every month after that fateful trip, in one way or another. I began to feel the unrest and disatisfaction with the status quo between us, and asked for more from him, especially with hanging around with the girls. In July we had a conversation in the car once that led me to ask him to think about taking the girls somewhere, just him and them.

His response: "I don't feel comfortable with that". OH WELL, BY ALL MEANS, DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU MAY BE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH, DEAR!

I was reaching the end of my patience.

His honesty at explaining the chemistry with him and my children "just wasn't there" was making me question everything we'd built thus far. Yes, some of you might think, WELL DUH!!! But being on the inside, still deeply in love I couldn't see it in its totality. We actually broke up over similiar statements almost in July before our 2nd family trip to see my parents and family in Pittsburgh, again with the kids. We decided to go through with that trip and actually had a fabulous time but didnt even spend time with the kids much, since I planned some things for just us two, away from them. There I was, catering to making Romeo happy, at the expense of my kids getting to know this man who was still taking their mom away. Again, DUH!!?? Broke up again in August, and after his promises to "try harder" fell flat and nothing changed, I made the devasting (to me at least) decision to end it for good a few months later.



Explaining last November, yet again, how it wasn't enough to just be a "part-time lover" while I lived my double-life as a mom all but two weekends a month, he surprisingly didn't fight me. No more promises were made. He actually agreed with me. Said he couldn't provide me what I needed and he shouldn't hold me back. No overtures were made to assure me we could make it work, no late night drop-ins, no phone calls, texts, or even emails for several weeks, all through the Thanksgiving holiday, for most of which I spent alone, wallowing.

NOW I look back and realize he let me do the dirty work. He had been holding steady in his conviction that he was not step-father material and he didn't belong hanging out at my dog-hair infested house since MARCH, and I made excuses and justifications and let it ride. When I finally did the dirty work, he was RELIEVED. No need to stalk me or show up, banging on the door, with roses to get me back...good riddance...don't let the door hit you on the way out, lady.

Now it's March 2010 and I'm a year wiser. BUT Romeo and I have still way too much contact for a broken up couple. He's tried to put me on the Friend Shelf (with his other ex-girlfriend) but still told me he loves me and misses me. Mixed signals to the max. My little bruised heart has been pulled back and forth over these last almost 5 months. He was so much to me, my best friend, my lover, my equal in so many ways, but he's glad to see me go.

He's moved on, he tells me now. I have gotten out there a bit, but not in my heart. That little sucker is gonna need to take some more time to heal.