Don't know if I'll get through the whole sordid story in one post. It now has been over 3 years of loving someone who has ultimately let me down and has chosen to live apart from me and my family, and who has now put me on a shelf with his other past girlfriends who weren't quite the right fit for him and his lifestyle. I am finally seeing the whiney little boy behind the man, the boy who can't be satisfied with the red lollipop because he knows there's a green lollipop that might be better, and the man who lives in the box, claims to want to see outside the box, but who really is afraid to step out of the box.
My bubble is burst...but it was such a pretty bubble for a while...
Meeting Romeo wasn't instant attraction but instant curiosity for sure. Met on the volleyball court and when he, out of the blue, said "hey you got your hair cut, I like it", with a rarely seen before smile, I was smitten. It grew into a caring friendship and desire on both our parts to learn everything about one another. Tons of similarities in background- both Catholic, both have parents still together, both have been in stable jobs for many years, both graduates of UT, both Democrats, both curious about and interested in world issues, both love sports, both love travel. This meant plenty to talk about. And talk and talk and talk. We seemingly never bored of each other.
He helped me through the end of my marriage, without butting in, but patiently waiting and quietly supporting while I took care of the business of untangling myself from 14 years of Mr. Not-quite-right. Romeo claimed to want a family of his own but also said he hoped to provide something stable for me and Lil Lady and Chillgirl. We began to travel together, first skiing in SLC, where he painstakingly taught me with his slow and easy coaching style, how to love the slopes, and the art of skiing, and the mountains that surrounded us. It was a new happy place for me in more ways than one.
After the divorce was final, he began to meet with me and my girls. The girls were cautious, especially Lil Lady, who I still suspect blames Romeo for her daddy moving away. But everyone was nice to each other and the girls gave him a break and accepted him as Mom's Friend. After a while they decided he would be nice to have around and told me they didn't mind if we got married, especially if that meant we'd buy a new house, so they could pick out new rooms someday. I figured things were moving in the right directions for all parties involved.
Early indicators showed Romeo liking and getting to know the girls but also at times bringing up questions and little criticisms about their behavior and my discipline style. I gently explained my relationship with the girls and how we weren't perfect but had our ways firmly in place. He liked to point out ways that HIS parents handled things with him and how he never questioned their heavy hands and did as he was told. I chalked it up to him not understanding how kids are these days, as he doesn't have any of his own and only sees his nieces and nephews on occasion and only during holiday festive times and not in the day to day rigamaroll...
How wrong I was to assume he thought this too and that he would come around to my way of thinking once he was around us more....I also thought he might revise his desire for 2 more children once he was in a household with several already and saw how hard it was. I early on left it open for discussion us sharing a child after we married, but two at our later ages was kinda overboard for me. But on we went, traveling to Chicago for a Cub's game, because that was his favorite team, and to my high school reunion in Houston, where he smiled and nodded to my friends but basically stood off to the side with the others who didn't go to our school and waited for me to be finished socializing. He didn't realize and I didn't tell him I would've stayed out all night with my old friends if he hadn't been there. At home we hung out with his friends, ones he'd had for many years, including a few I knew from volleyball and also including his ex-girlfriend who he'd broken up with many years before but remained best friends with after all was healed and both had moved on. We were a happy bunch together but there was not room in our social life to go out with my friends or family very often and he was so quiet during the times we did, I hardly recognized him. My mother always said he wasn't right for me. But she never has liked a single boy I've been with, so that didn't phase me a bit. More on HER later for sure...
Romeo and I talked of marriage and homes, but more hypothetically, not in any real serious sense, now that I look back on it. One thing was clear to me, he did not want to move to Suburbia and I was not keen on moving my girls away from their school or town where they'd been growing up, into the city where he rented and where I knew property prices were outrageous for even a cramped small home we could barely afford together. We traveled to Tahoe and spent another great time in ski heaven around a beautiful blue blue lake. We were great at fantasyland away from home and realities of normal life.
At home, I began to realize I played the girlfriend role on my weekends when the girls were with the ex, and I played the mommy role on the other weekends, usually alone. We'd meet up for dinner with Romeo but he rarely did more than pop over to sit on the couch and watch tv at my house when the girls were there. Even on our weekends together, he and I spent most of our alone time at his place. I was comfortable there after spending so much time there, but he claimed he still felt like a stranger in my home. I gave him plenty of chances to come over more and just beebop around as if he belonged there. It never quite worked out that way. Once when he needed to do laundry, I invited him to bring it and use my machines but after he finished and went home, he called later to say he found little black things in the bottom of his "clean" basket...he thought they were fleas from the dog or cats. I have no idea what he was seeing because I would know if I had a flea problem, and I surely don't. Just one more reason for Sunday afternoon laundry time to never happen again.
As our 3rd year together began, momentum shifted. I was turning 39 and the baby-making years were slowly slipping away. He didn't talk about his own offspring anymore and we did have conversation, again sorta hypothetically, about not starting over with a newborn that would slow down our travel plans and add to college savings and such. This also is when we planned our first ski trip with the girls. I made most of the plans for the 4 of us. So off to Colorado we went....
Don't leave me hanging!
ReplyDelete