Freakin' Friday

The longest week of your life is the one right before a vacation. Today is the Friday before mine. I suffered through this week and its effin Friday already! I made it.







I will be flying to Costa Rica on Sunday and staying until NEXT Friday. That's a good vacation. I don't get to take off a solid week that often. Spring Break is usually a whole one off with the kids, but rarely do I do it any other time. And definitely not without the kids...but this one will be adult-time. In Costa Rica. Buenos Dias!!

                                     This will be my view for the next week....yeah, paradise.

My Sinatra and I will step off the plane into the 120% humidity and a margarita, and spend the week in Jaco. On the beach. In the jungle. Above the treetops. We are not picky. Whatever we are presented with, we will say "Gracias" and go with it.

Yes it is close to school starting. Yes we both have job-related obligations that will be on hold for the week. And yes, we both have kids who are not coming with us.

A friend offered his home to us, and we accepted. I did not think I should pass up an opportunity to frolic on this beach yet again, in this country which I fell in love with two years ago.

I would've loved to bring my children to see it, but the airfare alone would've killed me. We will save our big fun family trips for long weekends and Spring Break ski trips.

Now its Friday and I'm counting down the minutes until my vacation begins. I must put my work affairs in order, give the doggies extra guilt bones, and kiss my kiddos good-bye. Off to another adventure...

Hurry Up and Wait

Coming off a weekend camping trip with Sinatra and all our 5 kids, plus one for my Lil Lady to have a friend. We chose Waco, TX which is somewhat in between our two homes, although with Sinatra driving through Dallas traffic he's got the harder and longer leg of it. I am lucky to live on the north side of Austin so I'm heading out of town ahead of Friday afternoon traffic. The weekend started a bit crazy though, and I had some serious discussions with myself on the way to Waco.

I was off at 3pm on Friday so we could get loaded up and out of town no later than 5 to make the drive and be at the campground by 6 or 6:30pm. This gave us all time to set up the camper and get dinner going before dark. I had discussed this with Sinatra 2 weeks ago when we reserved the camp the last time we were in Waco. He even said he'd have to get on the road by no later than 3 to make it through Dallas traffic to meet me by 6. As per usual, I revisited this plan a few times within the past two weeks because I am a planner and have a need to talk out my plans. He's on the phone with me multiple times every day, so it is very probable he was the one I talked to about this plan.

His drive without traffic is close to 2 hrs, mine is only 1hr 15min, but with traffic and pulling the slow camper he's closer to 3 hrs so I told him to call me when he got into his drive so I could time it where we'd meet up at the same time. Got off at 3, went to get the girls from their friends' houses and got home about 4. I began packing up and telling the girls to get their things in the car and texted him what's up? He texted me "we just left", this was 4:15...ugh, running late but ok.

I'll get my stuff done and leave around 5:15. But at 4:45 he tells me they had to stop at Walmart for something to fix on the camper...I didn't know if that meant he was there or had already done that. So I asked. His reply was "on the road now" Mine: "Where?" His: "Lewisville." This is the next town just outside his burgh. Grrr...

So now its almost 5pm and he's just leaving to get into downtown Dallas traffic. Me no happy was putting it mildly. I know he wasn't all that jolly either, but I wasn't being sympathetic. Got the kids back in the house (they were waiting in the car) to cool our heels for another 45 minutes. I truly began to fume after I talked to him and he said he didn't realize I was off work early. What?? I'd only said it multiple times in talking about getting there and setting up camp. Was I talking to myself?

My bigger issue was he didn't listen to me, as in he's only half listening to me on the phone, often because they kids are in the room, he's on the computer or he's at work or driving around doing one of a million things he needs to get done. I didn't take it well to realize he clearly only half hears me when he's on the phone with me.

He's the busiest guy I know who has trouble getting anything done. Organizationally he can be a mess. Too many irons in the fire and only enough man-power to be able to half-do most of them.

I feel for him being single, because I am as well, but I manage with lists and calendars and a mind that handles multi-tasking well. He, notsomuch. I drove to Waco thinking how would I marry someone who will need corralling and nagging to get things done?? I did that already! A man won't change at this point in our lives. Warning, warning, danger, danger! Sirens going off, red flags flying, and I'm sending him to the penalty box.

So after an hour drive with me muttering to myself ("I ain't going to be the one who...I'll just have to do it all my own damnself..."), we got there after 7:30pm. The sweet campgrounds people said they weren't sure we were gonna show up (I bit my lip on that one), and I arrived first by about 10 minutes.

He backed the camper in and got out looking as harried and of course I melted, so we got everything set up in no time. We got the BBQ going and had hot dogs on the pdq. Not to kick a guy while he's down but dinner was thanks to me, since I'd bought the weinies and everything to go with them the day before. He came with very little in the way of groceries...another thing he didn't get to. Ummmm...I see a pattern here. Oh boy.

We barely got fed before the sun went down and then off he went to the store for more stuff for the next night. Really, the enormity of getting the camper ready and then getting his three in the car and through rush hour Dallas traffic should have knocked him out for the weekend.

He was pretty great by my side as we finagled 7 kids (yes, one more was added for the day) to a water park on Saturday. We cooled off in the wave pool (no alcohol, either! Waco is so Baptist-y) while the kids ran around the smallish park. We rode the rides with them too and we all had a great time.

That night back at the camp we were cooking out again. It's a challenge getting our kids to put DOWN the iPod/iPhones and look at the lake, or the birds, or the trees around us. I tried my best to get them out of the AC'd camper and walking around the campgrounds.

His burger meal was tons better-tasting than my dumb ole hot dogs, and he cooked them all over a hot pit in the 95+ degrees without complaint. Maybe I'm the one who needs a-changin'. Hmmmm....

I hope it was a few happy memories for the kids for a lifetime. It was for me, and hopefully for my Sinatra too.

Lessons For Them

I go work 8 hours every weekday.
For them.

I get up early in the morning to work out. For them.

I stop by the store on the way home, even when I'm tired. For them.

I struggle to find dinner creations that two girls will like. For them.

I take walks with the dogs and invite the girls to walk with us. For them.

I clean crumbs out of my bed because Chillgirl loves to curl up there and watch TV while munching on snacks. For her.

I buy electronics that they can't live without when we should probably be talking to each other more.
For them.

I discuss school projects, homework, and our crazy schedules with the girls in the car while we rush from place to place. For them.

I hide the lack of responsibility their dad displays on a regular basis so they will respect him. For them.

I referee vicious fights between the two girls so they will continue to love each other. For them.

I train with my tri buddies and take swim classes and compete in races. For them.

I chose to let a man into my life who understands children and loves mine, flaws and all. For them.

I may yell and want to run outside when frustrated with their behavior, but apologize and talk it out after my blood pressure returns to normal. For them.

I own and take care of my house and yards. For them.

I nod quietly and listen when Lil Lady starts to share her teenager drama between her and her friends.
For her.

I coach Chillgirl and have done so for Lil Lady in volleyball because I love the game and love to watch them love it too. For them.

I take adult-only vacations to unwind and act like a kid again. For them(me).

I force them to go to church lessons and Mass, so they will have a basis for their future relationships with God. For them.

I try to preserve a family attitude of "Let's stick together" so they won't feel the pain of divorce and not know how to create their own families. For them.

I explain to them that as women, they should value themselves above their men, and chose men who add to their lives, not who will become their lives. For them.

I forgive my girls when they aren't grateful or expect me to "be there" without asking if its convenient for me to do so. For them.

I recognize and appreciate that my children feel at home with me, more than anywhere else in the world, which is an indication I'm doing something right.

 For me.

Why I Love (Go Apeshit) Over the Olympics

Ryan Lochte and that other guy...yummers


I LOVE THE OLYMPICS! Summer or winter, it doesn't matter. I am an athlete. I love to participate in sports and watch sports. REAL Sports with Bryant Gumbel on HBO is one of my favorite shows. I strive to learn new training and competing techniques from "real" athletes who get paid to win in their sports. So watching them compete in the Olympics is a free way to observe greatness.

Other athletes inspire and amaze me when I hear their stories. Their bodies (see the pics and drool) are incredible. From swimmers to gymnasts to soccer players to weightlifters, the physiques are flawless.

    Did I forget to mention beach volleyball? Mwah!!! Now, why do the women wear the tiny bikinis                     halfway in their butt cheeks and the men full-length surf shorts? Hmmm...

I am still in my MWF early morning swim class learning to be a more efficient swimmer. My tri this past Sunday was a 1500m swim, and I PR'd (personal record) it by about 35 seconds from my first tri of that length from last year, which was done in a wetsuit (more buoyant and easier) while last Sunday was just me and a little ole' spandex tri suit. More than 3 minutes better than my non-wetsuit 1500m this past Memorial Day. I'd say that's progress.

I closely watch the women and men swimmers. They have the BEST bodies, long torsos, long arms and feet, long fingers. They glide. The race is won UNDER the water. My coach says pulling water under is your where your speed comes from. The arms out of the water are just to get back to the glide under the water. It has made a lot of sense and I feel more fluid with my stroke now. Not sure I'll ever get much faster because my body is not long anywhere, but at least I FEEL better swimming now.

                                        I wish I could watch the whole event from this angle

I was a gynmast when I was young. I absolutely loved flying around the high bar, flipping across the floor, and balancing on the beam. I did it until I was in junior high, then I did cheer and then dance in high school. I was always back-flipping and cartwheeling as a kid. Gymnastics was my favorite sport to watch because those little girls where like me. Mary Lou Retton was a goddess to me at age 10.

                                                    I don't think I was EVER this small

I have played competitive volleyball in rec leagues. The game is one of my favorites to play and to coach. Its such a mind-game to cover your court and anticipate the opponents moves. I never played soccer, or basketball,so these sports are not interesting for me to watch. Tennis? Meh. Archery and badminton? Probably not. Cycling, while one of my favorite things to do, does not make for fascinating TV.

I will watch track & field. I run. My pace suggests I should change that word to "jog", but technically I'm running. So watching the track runners hoof it around the track, I'm awestruck. Again long, lean bodies, reaching and going faster. Lolo Jones and Usain Bolt are among these freaks of nature.

                                                                        Just. So. Fast.

So my hat's off to the athletes of these Olympic Games. They are all my heroes. I have a hook full of my amateur medals, so I can appreciate the burning desire for a heavy trinket at the end of a race, telling you you've done well. I cannot imagine what it's like to be there, under the pressure of our country and in the camera's eye, still trying to be your best. Good luck to you all.

                                                                      You go GIRL!

4th of July Fail

I did not see fireworks yesterday on the 4th of July. I heard them outside my home from the neighbors' contraband caches but I didn't bother going outside to see what they were popping. I feel that fireworks are for kids. I enjoy watching my kids watch them, but if I'm not with them, its not something I will watch. I was not with my kids.

Their dad was gone for almost the whole month of June and he's come back and has had them last weekend and yesterday. I can't say no when its been so long since he saw them, and he had friends in town who's daughters have grown up with my girls, so they wanted to see them as well. I also had to work the next day, so a late night out at the park would've been tough. So he got to enjoy the wonder and amazement on their faces as the fireworks flew.

The fail part was my attitude all day. I usually crave alone time when my kids are running in and out of my bedroom when I'm trying to watch my favorite show or they disappear just as I finish cooking dinner and I have to roam the neighborhood to find them. But the house was empty. My girlfriends are out of town. My boyfriend was at home with his kids, busy at their friends' house for the 4th. I was alone.

I should've gotten a good book and read, gone to bed early, colored my hair...something to enjoy the time I'd been gifted. I think with work looming the next morning, the kids having fun-time with Dad, and my Sinatra off partying it up with friends without his girlfriend, my mood grew gloomy.

Why can't I have the family around me? Why am I not helping Sinatra grill burgers or mix the baked beans? Even if my kids are with their dad I should have my boyfriend here. Living here. I don't need him but I NEED him. My partner. Without him I'm single. I am not single in theory so why am I alone? He should be here.

Two years ago when we began this crazy LDR, I would not have guessed we'd still be in love two years later but not living close by each other. I thought back then if it did not work out for us to be living in the same area, we'd go our separate ways. Our kids still have a lot of growing up to do and they've all gotten comfortable in their hometowns. Maybe its wrong to uproot kids at this age. If it wasn't going to happen, we should move on with our lives.

How foolish I was. I did not realize how deeply we all would weave each other into our lives. That I would grow to LOVE his kids and worry about them and care how they were feeling, acting, and growing. That he would become a light in my kids' lives, putting smiles on their faces and laughter in their bodies. How could I have thought if "it didn't work out" we'd leave to live our lives separately? Not a chance in hell that will happen.

Those four people are my family now even if the court system only regards me as a "collateral" in their lives. I spoke to the court's social worker and tried to express my love for them but I felt it fell flat. She hasn't met me in person and over the phone she could not have seen my love for them. I described each one of them realistically, pros and cons, but the cons were normal maternal admissions of faults on all our parts. Even so, I love them with all their flaws.

Two years now it's been. I'm not moving. Hopefully the court will allow them to come here. That is Sinatra's wish, and my kids and I are looking forward to the day they come rolling in town. There is not an alternative. That the courts may restrict where he and the kids can live is not an option I let my brain explore. I just can't.

He assured me on the phone he was so ready to get here, and doing everything he can to get him ready to go. I whined he hasn't gotten the house in realtor-show-ready condition yet, and even though he can't contact a realtor yet, he could be working on it. I boo-hooed the court dates keep getting pushed further out. He tried to sympathize and tell me he felt the same way.

I admit I didn't behave very adult-like. I wasn't very independent on Independence Day. But I got it out of my system, as I often do, and will look forward to the day when my family, all seven of us, are together for all holidays and special occasions. As it should be, and will be.

Learning to Swim All Over Again

My last triathlon swim time was less than stellar. In my age group my light blue cap was one of the last ones out of the water. My good friend is a no-face-in-the-water, doggie-paddle slash breast stroke kind of swimmer and we were in the same age group. She finished the 1500 meters one minute slower than me and she never even put her goggles on. And I'm sure all her conserved energy was the reason her final time was over 14 minutes faster than mine.

The swim was in a lake with buoys outlining our course, and by the first buoy I KNEW I did not have a groove, no flow, no stroke, and I was flailing around but going nowhere. When I saw my time later, I decided I needed help.

I found an adult conditioning swim class offered by the local rec center, $65 for one month of MWF...at 5:45am. Yes I said A.M. I bit the bullet. Its only for a month, right?

June 1st I went into the water in the dark. Whoosh! That's a slap in the face, but I warmed up quickly. My Ironwoman swim coach barked out some drills and I had no idea what they mean. She described them and showed me and off I went. I'm really a model student, doing everything that's asked of me and no stopping to chat or rest much. I only have that hour to give to the workout and I'm using it all.

This is opposed to my loud chatty classmate in the next lane. With his over-sized Ironman tattoo, IronmanBrad bombards our coach with questions about her next race and whines that he "hates" this one or that one. Oh please dude, if you hated a race why did you ask the tattoo artist to enlarge the IM logo to cover your whole calf? I think the race hates you, my friend. I sure am starting to.

I love the improved stroke I am learning. Coach has gently given me pointers and has me racing against myself, watching my pace on my 50s, 100s, and 150s. That's one lap, two, and three laps. I've never worked at swimming like this and it feels so different now. I visualize myself doing it in the open water, which is next on my training plan, and I know my next 1500 meters will be closer to 30 minutes, rather than 50.

The early mornings are a pleasant surprise to me. It only bothers me at that moment I have to leave my bed. After that I am thinking about the cup of coffee I'm about to make and take with me and getting my water bottle and goggles ready, and out the door by 5:30am. Earlier if I want to guarantee to get the lane I like. That hour goes so fast, and by the time I'm ending with my cool-down laps the sun is rising, the sleepy kids who practice after my class are shuffling in, and I feel great.

On my drive home from the pool I see all sorts of folks up walking and running and cycling. All before 7am! Who knew such a busy health-conscious community existed outside my darkened door at such an hour? I'm pleased to join them, and know I've already burned over 400 calories by the time I used to be rolling out of bed.

I think I will sign up for July.

Movin' On Up in the Tri World

That sure is a pretty skyline off Lady Bird Lake

This is not the first time I have swam along side that beautiful city, with the duck and bat poop and a thousand other crazy people, in what used to be called Town Lake. It surely will not be the last. At 8:06am last Monday I stuck my face in that dirty ole Colorado River, in the lake that's now named after LBJ's cute little wife, and swam with all the other 40-44 year old women in the 2012 CapTex Olympic Triathlon.

This was my second olympic length tri. It's a 1500 meter swim in the previously mentioned poopy lake, a 40K bike ride (over 24 miles for the Americans) over 4 loops of downtown Austin streets near the Capitol building, and a 10K (6.2 miles in 2 loops) run on those same streets. There are professional athletes doing this same course like Andy Potts, Hunter Kemper, and Sarah Haskins. These stellar athletes finish much faster than us amateurs and for over $40,000 in prize money. This tri is one of the more expensive ones to enter, without a charity cause that benefits, and placing in it gets you ranked with USAT or something fancy like that. There's also a paratri division, a first-timers division and a spring-distance division. This is a big money tri.

My swim was less than rank-worthy. I have been training in the cleaner Lake Pflugerville and felt great on most of those swims. I even did a 2K swim in the lower end of Lake Austin 3 weeks ago in which I felt pretty darn good, even though it took me 56 minutes to complete the 1.2 mile swim. I wore a wetsuit that time but the water Monday was too warm for it, so I was on my own. I never felt a flow in my stroke but I kept up my freestyle. The course seemed to go on forever and many of the colored-caps in the waves after mine zoomed past me but in 41 minutes I climbed out of the water.

A run through transition to put on my bike gear, and off I went on the bike course. Its a fast course and I love it. Last year I hauled some ass through it and had a rough run after, so this year I thought I'd keep my cadence high and my speed a bit slower to ease the wear on my legs and finish the tri strong. Last year's pace was 17.1 mph. My final pace this time? 17.2mph. Oh well. I just never learned to ride anything but fast.

Swooshed through transition again, changing shoes and throwing on my running visor, and I'm off on the run. Now last year I hated this run. Two loops, 5K each. I didn't know the course well and I wasn't sure how far the first loop was so I felt like it went FOREVER. I walked a lot of it last year. Oh and did I mention it was after 10am and blazing hot? No difference in that this year. Same distance, same 2 loops, and same hellacious heat. But I was prepared. Experience paid off. I planned a 4/1 run. Run 4 minutes, walk 1. I've practiced this over the last months and it has always come in fairly close to longer run/walks or full-out running. So I ran and depended on those one minutes like they were a vacation. I grabbed water at every station and drank a little and poured the rest down my shirt. I ate a GU and had some Gatorade. I watched other people struggling, even vomiting, but I kept golng at my pace. With an 11.26 minute mile I finished the course and my final race time was 3:25, 7 minutes faster than last year.

My new tri standard is the olympic distance. I began my sprint tris 5 years ago and every year I got be more efficient and more competent at them. I even placed in the top 10 in my age group in a few of the smaller ones. Its time to move on up to the next level. I have two more olympic tris planned. Bring it.